Category Archives: Life

N + O = NO!

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AKA I fail again, but since I’ve blogged and had a lot of fun so far doing this A-Z Challenge…I’ll give myself credit and pat myself on the back, even if I’m tired and lazy tonight :) -patpat-

Unfortunately, real life is a pain in the butt and gave me money-and-family drama (NO!) yesterday, I ended up hanging with a family friend and watching episodes of Bob’s Burgers and Family Guy On Demand. LOL And I’m not a TV-person, at all. I’ve fallen behind so far on the few shows I do watch (Fringe? Yum. Way behind, but I own the first two seasons. I need to have a Fringe-marathon! True Blood? Can’t wait for season 4 to come out on DVD. Contemplating buying a couple months of HBO just to see season 5 LOL)

On a good note, however, I am nearly 8k into a new project I started :) Stay tuned for details, because I’m loving it!

Anyway. No O post…because what I came up with for O: Orangutans (Why?) or Ostriches (no thanks…) …or something naughty LOL :P Couldn’t figure out a darn thing for O, but I promise, P will be better :D (…and I promise it’s not naughty! Haha)

But while you’re at it, go over to my pal Val’s place. Her post for O is inspiring and wonderful enough for both of us :)

H is for Horses

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I’ve always loved horses. Always. When I was toddling, we went to a family-friend’s house and I was unafraid of the horses, upset because they hurried off, afraid they were gonna be ridden. When I was 4, my dad and I did a wishbone…and I won. Excited, I squealed and ran to the window…and then burst into tears. I had wished for a pony and expected it to be tied to my swingset. We lived in town…there was no way. But it broke my heart.

As I grew up, my aunt got horses and I visited them whenever I could. When I was 14, I decided to join 4-H. I found someone willing to lease me a horse and I fell in love all over again. Dan was a bomb-proof cob who was not pretty in the least…but he was a good, gentle soul and taught me nicely. I got over my fear of going past a trot with him…and was determined to lease a faster horse for contesting barrels/poles the following year.

Then my dad was offered a horse by a co-worker; a beautiful yellow dun mare named Persephone. We took her on, but had to board her until we moved and I didn’t get to go over as often as I would’ve liked. She was fickle, moody, stubborn as a mule…and beautiful. On the ground, she was sweet and calm. In the saddle? A whole other story. She spent the 4-H season kicking/nipping at other horses and trying to buck me off.

Still, the week of horse camp and the week of 4-H were some of the best of my life, hard work, sweat and tears. It was wonderful with Dan, but he was never mine, not like Sephie. Despite her sassy attitude, she was mine. She was definitely too much horse for me and I was too inexperienced for her, but we made do with what we had and we had a bond. I loved her, spending the time at the barn, and she enjoyed the barrels.

Then my dad decided we weren’t going to move after all…and after a long talk and a hard decision…I agreed to find her a new home. He sold her to a couple of guys who wanted a trail-riding horse, both of them experienced, and she took to them. And I let her go and in letting her go, I also let my dreams of horses go as well. At least until I grew up and moved out.

I haven’t ridden or been around horses in 8 years, but I still miss them. I really hope to find a stable this summer and go riding again. Someday I will have horses again. And you can bet your tailfeathers that I’ll be barrel racing them :P

Sephie <3

C is for Cat

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I love cats. I really do.

My first real pet was a Siamese kitten named Missy (aka Missy Weasle, or Weezie for short!) my parents got when I was three years old. She would demand my attention when I was drawing or coloring, flopping on my book so I would pet her. I’d shove her off, and she’d come right back. Yeah, we were best buds….until the witch ate my fish. The fish that I saved up my measly allowance for for weeks. She ate him! WHOLE! I banned her from my room (ah, little kid logic) and ignored her for years to come. Around that time, my family got a miniature doxie and I became a dog person. I claimed I hated cats. I immersed myself in dogs, got a doxie of my own named Lily, and did 7 years of obedience in my local 4-H club.

While volunteering at the local shelter, a plain-jane kitten reached through the bars and snagged my shirt with her claws. Twice. I looked into those eyes and knew she was mine… I named her Pandora and begged my mom…but she thought she was just another ugly tiger cat…and I left Pandora behind. Four months later, we had to put Missy down (by then, I had begun to love her again, so it hurt so bad when I lost her…and it was my own fault) and I was a mess. Mom took me to the shelter…and the first cat I see?

Pandora. A little older, but she KNEW me. She reached for me again…and she was mine. And my love for cats has only blossomed. Pannie is seven now and my heart, my soul. I almost lost her last July due to pyometra (a uterine nfection that happens in unspayed, older female cats) and it was only thanks to my grandma that we were able to get her surgery. $700 dollars later, she’s fat and happy and healthy and my love.

I love cats :)

Update :)

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Whoo, been a long month…even though the month isn’t over yet (nor is it very long, but OH WELL Long in my book).

Been really focused on eating healthier, exercising, and all that jazz. I’ve fallen off the wagon a few times, particularly with giving up pop (ugh, my Kryptonite!) but I’m doing good for the most part. Excited to see the changes in my body and mind as I go through this journey, and excited to what the future brings. I really want to go horseback riding by my birthday this summer, so that’s my goal.

Another thing that has me working double-hard: I want to be independent. Not just, “Oh I’m making money!” independent, but a car, a house, a yard, a puppy, sort of independent. It’s the puppy that’s really driving this one :P I’ll admit. I know myself too well: If I start looking up breeders now, I’ll start wanting it badly. So I’ve decided I’ll reassess my situation around Christmastime this year. And then look at breeders xD (I want an Australian shepherd, I’ve decided, btw! I’m so bad, I already have names picked out LOL)

On the writing front, after finishing Spellbound, things just went to hell in a hand basket. Had some family drama, which has resulted in my younger two siblings moving to our Dad’s house early March. We may or may not be moving to a farmhouse this summer. It’s all up in the air right now and just stressful. I hate change haha.

After deciding on a “game plan” for future releases this year, I picked up my 2011 NaNo, Souljacker, which I’d abandoned halfway through the month. Lucky for me, I’d outlined it 100% already, so I set up the outline in Sticky Notes on my desktop, made a mock-cover, and have been working on that. So far, all’s going smoothly. I forgot how much I loved Lucy :D

Spellbound‘s still in editing stages, but I’ve gotten one round of critiques back and have implemented them. I’m hoping to have it out by mid-March, but we’ll see what the future holds.

And an update on Wolfsong! My proof is on its way here. Should be here by the 4th. :D If all goes well formatting-wise, paperback should be available through Amazon, Createspace, and several other vendors in March!

Music Monday: Forever Unstoppable

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I recently got the Whatever CD from Hot Chelle Rae; for the most part the lyrics are kind of meh/not high on my OMGAWESOME list. But the beats are catchy and I find myself singing to the CD. It’s definitely something I’ll be walking/dancing to :)

But this song, I really love. It’s my favorite on the CD and it’s aptly fitting in a sense for me. I recently started a lifestyle change, to aim to get healthier, happier, and fit. I’ve always believed weight loss was impossible with Polycystic Ovarian syndrome…but I really think I just needed to find what was right for me. I’m very happy with my loss so far, proud of myself. I feel Forever Unstoppable right this minute :)

2012 Goals

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Happy New Years everyone! We’re doing our typical New Years Eve, celebrating the ball dropping to 2012 with virgin pina coladas (and milkshakes for the kids), but I decided to do a post for my resolutions (but…let’s just call them goals, cuz in my entire 23 years on this earth, I’ve never been able to keep resolutions :P ) So. New years goals!

I’ve decided that 2012 is a “me” year; I’m going to try and better myself in all aspects, not just writing wise. I want to lose weight this year, I want to get more fit (because I’m pretty darn sedentary atm) and I want to start being me…because atm, I’m not who I wanna be.

So~

Writing Goals:

-Finish Spellbound. This is a project I started back in 2010 and want to have it DONE by mid-January and out to the public in March.

-Finish Hunger. I need to reconnect with this cast. I love them, but I’d burned out on first-person…and Hunger was my casualty. Nonetheless, this will be done (and aiming for a July/August release) this year!

-Finish Souljacker. This one can’t be too hard, right? I have it completely mapped out/outlined. It will just be a matter of dedicating time every day to writing it out.

-Write at least two novellas. I have a couple in mind. One of them has to have zombies in it…why? Because I need to write a zombie novel :P

-Finish one new novel before 2013. Completely new words, whether it’s a rewrite or a Brand New Shiny!

-Blog at least 2x, hopefully 3x, a week AND comment more on others’ blogs. I’m horrible at blogging…and I want to get better! My goal is to get on track so I have the blog posts written (or at least figured out!) ahead of time.
My tentative plan: Monday will be for music posts, talking about bands or artists or maybe just a song I love. Wednesday will be Wednesday of Whimsy, where I’ll post book reviews, funny things, or maybe just have random posts. It’s whimsy, after all! And Saturday or Sunday will be for ‘snippets’ ie; excerpts, a few lines of my current WIP, maybe something I wrote that I’d like to share.

-Facebook and Twitter daily. I’ll be the first to admit, social media intimidates me. Terribly. The idea of interacting, socially, with people terrifies me LOL. So. I’m going to aim to dedicate an hour a day to Facebook and Twitter, and hopefully by 2013 I’ll be an active member of the FB/Tweeting community :P

Real-life “Me” Goals:

-Go gluten-free again. I’m gluten intolerant, though I don’t like to admit that. I love breads, pastas, hell, anything that has wheat/rye/barley in it. AKA gluten. So… I’m going to eliminate gluten from my diet. I did it before, lost about 30 lbs. I can do it again, and stick with it. Yeah, there’ll be days where I cheat (like, for Chinese? I can’t give up Chinese!) but I want to always get back on the horse when I fall off.

-Cut back soda intake about 90%. I’m a horrible pop-aholic. I get fountain drinks…and not the small ones x.x So. Gonna be cutting that back, because it’s unneeded calories. I don’t really care for canned/bottled pops, so I should be good there. Besides the fountain drinks. Oi.

-Change the way I eat/view food. My relationship with food…well, it could be better. I need to cut back portions, use smaller plates/cups, and start understanding when exactly I’m full. This will be a toughie, but I’m determined.

-Exercise 6 days a week. Whether it be a dance game, stretching and basic floor exercises, light weight lifting, walking, swimming, etc. I want to get active and get sweating, get my heart pumping, start losing weight and firming up.

-Get down to a size 20-22. Gonna focus on inches before weight.

-Start wearing clothes/accessories that I feel are more ‘me’ than what I’m wearing. I’m so excited for this :)

So we will see how many of these goals I can do in a year! Whoot!

What are some of your 2012 goals?

Early Inspirations

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I grew up in the middle grade/YA section of the library. I was am kind of a hermit, and to top it all off, I was homeschooled. What else was there to do but read?

But back when I was 12-15 years old, the books that I wanted to read? Fantasy, and not the sword-and-sorcery stuff, wasn’t popular. Or if it was, our library didn’t get it in. Harry Potter was the first big contemporary fantasy our small-town library got in, and with HP came the trends of ‘good’ fantasy. I was like, yes, finally! I got hooked on stuff like Artemis Fowl (still a huge fan of Eoin Colfer’s writing style as an adult!). But what got me truly loving fantasy enough to write it?

Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. Our library had one of her books, Hawksong. I found it while browsing the shelves and liked the title. I devoured it in a sitting, and then passed it off to my mom. We became fans; Mom ended up eBaying her previous book, and we waited with bated breath for the rest of her Kiesha’ra series to come out. We bought them hardcover, which we never do :P But that’s beside the point.

Her novel inspired me: shape-shifters. I’d never heard of such a thing before Hawksong. What if I could do my own version of shifters…with my lifelong love of wolves? (Werewolves weren’t hot yet; that love came from Blood & Chocolate, as well as one of my CP’s original novels :P )

Thus, the idea for Wolfsong spawned. I wrote it in three months in 2005, in a mess of disarray and chunks of novel here and there. I skipped the middle to write the end. It’s come a long way from the original draft and I can’t wait to share my love of Wolfsong with the world :)

Here I Go

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It’s not often that my siblings and I have the same taste in music, but every time they had their Pandora stations playing loudly, I’d hear a couple of songs and every time, I was like, “Hey, who’s this. I like them.”

They’d reply: “Relient K.” (And then promptly roll their eyes, like I should know this.)

So I started listening to them. And…well. They’re my favorite band at the moment, between their punk-pop-acoustic sound, the sexy vocals, and the meanings behind the lyrics.

I heard this song…and it’s so…me. The lyrics strike a chord (no pun intended :P ) deep within me and I just keep listening to it on repeat on my ancient MP3 player.

For me, it signifies the fact that I am ready. Ready to release my debut novel, despite the setbacks, despite the preaching I had growing up that I’d never make it, that it was just a pipe-dream. Oh, and my personal favorite: “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” Sorry, Dad, but the basket’s full. I don’t plan to ever stop writing. No more sitting around, waiting for something to happen. Time to make this dream a reality.

So yes. I love this song :P

Writing Woes…

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Argh. I’m having issues, man. I’m not happy with my WIP, Souljacker. I loved the idea. I loved it as I wrote 11k in 7 days. Lucy is wounded and snarky, but cute. Her voice is sharp and witty. I liked it even, for the first 20k. Then it started dragging its feet. I skipped a few days of writing, just avoiding it. I’m now at 35k and each word is like pulling teeth. With rusty pliers. And no laughing gas, even.

I know myself well; I do this pretty much every WIP. Some of them I give up on, are just halted indefinitely at 35k. Some of them I powered through and finished. I just need a moment to say…

Brain: AHLKFHLDSHKASD THE PAINNN! Why do you make me do this?! I hate it, I hate it, nonononononononooo! -flails like a 4-year-old throwing a tantrum because Mommy won’t let her get a Barbie doll-

-cough- Now that that’s over with. I know my solution. I’ve always known my solution. I need to push through it. I need to sit down, figure out where the heck I’m going with it. Outline the rest of the novel, scene-by-scene with Sticky Notes; transfer it over to a Word document. Write 1k or 1 scene a day, even if it sucks major eggs, deleting the Sticky Notes with each scene I check off. By Jan 1st (my goal-date, giving me 35 days at 1k a day = 35k = 70k (which is my usual length) I’ll have a finished book ready to go out for edits. By spring, I’ll have a shiny new story ready to share with the world, which I will more than likely love and forget all about the pain.

If I know this, why am I resisting (and complaining :P ) so much?

-off to wallpaper her screen with Sticky Notes-

Are You Who You Wanna Be?

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While browsing through my music, I found an old CD in a drawer, Switchfoot’s The Beautiful Letdown. And I of course had to listen to it. And this song really got me. Made me start thinking, wondering, dreaming. Am I who I wanna be? Right now, today? If nothing else mattered? Am I being me?

The long and short of it? No. I’m not. I know who I want to be, but to actually be there? It’s something I’m working on.

I’ve always been the kind of girl to be ashamed of what I like, even if it’s something I love. I think this is stemmed from the fact that I grew up in a very judgmental household. I’ve loved music since I was little, but my dad judged it. Hated it. Mocked it. Made me feel bad I was even listening to it to the point where I hid what I listened to. I only listened at night, played low or through headphones. I quit singing out loud because he would tell me to ‘not quit my day job’. So I’m especially sensitive.

Same with TV shows; as a kid, I was a hardcore Dragon Ball Z/Sailor Moon fan. I watched them religiously…until people started judging me. I didn’t take into consideration that there were other people out there, more fanatic than me. All I saw was the haters. I remember one time, around 10 or so, my friend and I were at Wal-Mart and she was excited to show me a couple of new DBZ toys. She pretty much had to drag me down the ‘boy’ aisle…and even when I wanted those toys, I played ‘cool’ and pretended it was stupid…why? Just in case someone judged me walking down the aisle. Why did those strangers MATTER to me?

But it’s something I’ve always done. I’m afraid of judgement. And you know what? I’m tired of judgement… What does it matter if someone thinks I’m a loser, if I’ve never met that guy in my entire life nor will I ever see him again? Yeah, it’s a lot diff when your siblings or parents or friends mock you, but usually then it’s in jest, not a serious “Dude you’re lame, get a life” sort of thing.

As a plus-sized girl, I’ve always felt like I should wear what’s expected of me, even if it’s Not Me. I’m a hater of stretch pants, but that’s what I wear, because they’re comfortable. But I hate them. My friend helps pick out my clothes, because if they look good on her, they’ll look good on me. And I love her for that–but our tastes are wildly different. She likes classier, frillier things.

Me? I’ve got a taste for the more punkish, layered stuff. I like jeans and studded belts and rainbow fingerless gloves. I like Day-glo orange nail polish and bright eyeshadows and heavy eyeliners. If I had the money to get it professionally done, my hair would be a different color every three months. I’m planning on buying teal Fishbowl dye for Christmas just because. I like the stuff that Hot Topic sells. Why? Idk. I just think it’s cute and it’s me. More me than I’ve been in a long time. Are people gonna judge? Hell yeah–they judge my little sister, call her emo because she likes wearing black. She’s not emo. She just likes the style. It’s who she wants to be. There will always be haters.

The only downside of that is, in our town? Cute clothes are for the people in size 6s and A-cups. Even if I hit my goal weight, a size 6, on me, would be skeletal. I could do a comfortable 12/14. But that’s not the point. The point is, I need to find a place that sells what I deem cute clothes, in bigger sizes. They have to be out there. So I’m on the search.

And yeah, clothes don’t make the person. But I’m learning to love the girl I am inside, the girl who bursts into Christmas songs, interchanging words with naughty ones, in the middle of July. I’m the girl who says random things just out of spontanety, laughs too much on a lame joke she’s heard three times already. I love to laugh, and I love to have fun… And if people mock me? I’m learning to get over it and stop being so sensitive. They mean nothing to me.

Are you who YOU wanna be? Why or why not? :)

And do you know of any awesome clothing lines that are cute AND plus-sized?

<33 ~kodi